But often whatever is worth having in life requires discipline of some sort. All of us spent years learning to read well. A good cook learns skills over time. A carpenter, teacher, plumber, or engineer spends years growing in knowledge and skill in their profession.

Our spiritual life is just as worthy of time and effort as are any of these life-activities. In fact, it is more worthy than anything else we do in life. Our connection with God is the “wind beneath our wings” that propels us through life. Without time and effort given to our spiritual life, our life can be frustrating, empty, and meaningless.

Spiritual life disciplines (we could just as easily call them “habits” or “practices”) are what bring us into alignment with God, enabling Him to reach and transform us more effectively.

We are probably familiar with many of these practices: prayer, praise, Bible reading, worship, obedience, service, etc. But while we know about these practices, many times we don’t know why we do them, or how to do them effectively. Sometimes they become rote and meaningless. But for now, let’s talk a little about why we do them.

Spiritual practices bring us into intimate connection with God, where we come to know His incredible love, His unfailing mercy, His ability to work in every situation even when it looks hopeless and dark to us. We become in tune with Him, teachable, pliable.

Once we are intimately connected with God, our lives change. We learn to trust Him. When crisis happens we learn to rest instead of stress, knowing that we are in His hands. Instead of anger and addictions taking over our life, our actions begin to come into line with His will. Words that once brought us pain now are rolled onto God and we walk free. Only God can truly heal our brokenness and bring life and joy where there was once emptiness and deadness, but He often chooses to do this through, or in conjunction with, spiritual practices that draw us to Him.

Spiritual habits set our minds on God. To survive in this life we must think about bills, fixing the car, cleaning the house, transporting the children, and all the necessities of life. But through spiritual practices our minds can be trained to be aware of God’s presence throughout each day.

What other reasons can you think of to engage in spiritual practices?

It is certainly possible to learn these practices on one’s own. But they are best practiced in a community. I will be beginning regular teleconference phone calls where we can talk about these habits and discuss how to put them into our lives. If this is something you feel would benefit you, please Click Here to learn more. May God bless your day!

Sherry Manison
Spiritual Development Coach

Each week we would begin the session with the same question “Well, how did it go this past week?” This week, Jerry’s response was, “We were doing fine until last night.”

“What happened last night?”

“I must have done something that irritated her” answered Jerry (and most men will start out this way because we don’t have a clue when we mess up) “Because she started raising her voice at me and calling me names.”

“What name did she call you?” I inquired.

“She called me an A——.”

I turned to Sandy and asked, “Did you call him an A——?”

“I sure did,” she answered.

“Do you think he is an A——?”

“Last night he was.”

I burst out laughing and they did too. Comic relief is good sometimes.

“Jerry, how long have you and Sandy been communicating like this?” I asked. Jerry told me that it had been like this ever since they began dating four years ago.

I turned to Sandy and said, “Sandy, I am going to tell you something you probably haven’t heard before. I am encouraging you to change the way you talk to Jerry. The next time he says something that irritates you — and he will — I want you to tell him the following, just like this, in a speaking tone of voice: ‘Jerry, what you just said really hurt me deeply. I want you to know that I am really angry with you right now.’”

I paused for a few seconds, leaned forward and added in my normal speaking voice: “And then, Shut up.”

Her eyes got big, and she said with hesitation, “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“I know,” I said. “It will be difficult for you because it is a new way of communicating. How has the way you have been communicating in the past been working for you?”

She smiled sheepishly and said, “I will work on this.” Notice that she didn’t say she would try. One of my favorite sayings from AA is “Trying is lying.”

I then turned back to Jerry and asked, “If Sandy were to approach you the way I just suggested, how would you respond?”

“I would do everything I could to get back into her good graces,” he answered.

I turned back to Sandy to make sure that she had heard what Jerry said. She said she had heard him.

Their relationship still had work that needed to be done but, they were now on a healthy path–a path to effective communication and healing past hurts.

Sometimes it takes an outside perspective because we are so close to a situation all we can see is our own perception of it. Just like Jerry and Sandy, we might continue to do the same thing over and over again hoping for different results because we know no other way.

Do you or someone you know struggle with a partner, especially in moments when emotions are high? This is a sign that it’s time to do something differently. Consider an outside perspective. Contact me today for a complimentary consultation and find out if relationship coaching will help you create the marriage or relationship you really want. (925) 708-5337 or ron@connectingwithlifenow.com. You’ll be glad you did.

Ron Whitney
Marriage and Relationship Coach
Connecting With Life

Ron is a member of Christian Coaches Network

You Have a Tired Soul

Whether you know it or admit it, your soul is so tired that even a holiday won’t do it for you. You’ve been running at a high level of emotional intensity for too long. It often shows itself in people who work with people. To keep investing at this emotional level, your body uses adrenaline. That constant heavy demand produces stress and further adrenaline draw that pushes you to do even more. It’s like an addiction and it just wears you down.

A CCN Coach Might Discuss:

In order to thrive again it’s time to sit down and actually write out on paper how you got to this point. You need a major change. Major change means totally reconstruct the way you do your work, do something else entirely or get rid of the largest cause of the problem if can be dismissed. Put a limit on the relationships that drain you. Set boundaries around how others may access you and relate to you. Work with a personal coach to gain clarity about yourself and your situation and transition to better actions. You take control.

You Have a Tired Body

Obviously I’m not addressing a slacker who’s trying to get out of doing their honest share of work. In fact, you’ve kept a physical pace well beyond your norm, haven’t you? Remember the biblical pattern of work and rest. Somewhere this pattern of pause for renewal has been abused by yourself, by others or by your perception of what others want of you. That costs.

A CCN Coach Might Discuss:

Look at your life as a whole, not as separate pieces of work, home, relaxation and service. God gives you the responsibility to take care of your whole self. Again, get out a sheet of paper and list the reasons you continue on with the hours that you do. Develop a new schedule. Decide the hours that you will work and stick to it. When tempted to work longer, work smarter. Do tomorrow’s planning the day before. Start to appreciate time out, or get out and do something different.

If there is work you absolutely cannot get out of doing (and I put the stress on “absolutely cannot”), look carefully at your discretionary hours. How do you spend them? Perhaps you need to consider changing the pace here. Take that time to renew. Watch your commitments.

You Have a Tired Spirit

You’ve been so emotionally overloaded or physically extended that you have neglected your connection with God. To come back into harmony with the One who created you could be the very thing you need to change every aspect of your present experience and give it life and vitality again.

You may even be someone who is at the pulpit, a camp or on a mission, speaking about spiritual things all the time. You’re bringing others spiritual food, but you know your own diet is an undernourished one.

A CCN Coach Might Discuss:

Allow God back into the loop. Pray. Ask for insight around your tiredness. Perhaps arrange some personal retreat time to do this. Read the Bible. If you don’t know where to start, try 2 Corinthians, a book for tired workers. Read and ask God to speak to you. He will give you insights for your own health and spiritual well being. From this new approach you’ll find strengthening that flows from the inside out. Much better you draw your energy from Him than trying to draw it from circumstances around you that you cannot have complete control of.

Gary Wood
Executive Leadership Coach
G. E. Wood and Associates

Gary is the Director of Christian Coaches Network

Each week when they came in, I would ask them the same question, “Well, how did it go this past week?” “Jerry” said, “We were doing fine until last night.” I asked what happened. He said, “I must have said something that irritated her because she stared raising her voice at me, using profanity and calling me names”. (You know it’s a guy who starts out this way because we men don’t have a clue when we mess up.)

“What name did she call you?”, I inquired. He said, “She called me an _______”. I turned to “Sandy” and asked, “Did you call Jerry an _______ last night?” She said, “I sure did”. I asked, “Do you think he is an _______?” Sandy said, “Last night he was.” I lost it. And they did too. (Comic relief is sometimes good.)

“Jerry, how long have you and Sandy been communicating like this?”, I asked. “Ever since we started dating”, he replied. “And how long has that been?” I asked. He said, “About four years.”

I turned back to Sandy and said, “Sandy, I am going to tell you something you have probably never heard before. I am encouraging you to change the way you talk to Jerry. The next time he says something that irritates you–and he will–I want you to tell him the following–in this tone of voice (speaking volume): “Jerry, what you just said really hurt me deeply. I want you to know that I am really angry with you right now.”

I paused for a few seconds, then leaned forward and said, “And then shut up”. Her eyes got big and with hesitation in her voice, she said, “I don’t think I can do that”. I said, “I know it will be difficult for you because this is a new way of communicating. By the way, how has your way of communicating in the past worked for you?” She smiled sheepishly. She then said, “I will work on this.” Please note that she did not say she would try. (AA has a great saying that I really love: “Trying is lying”.)

I then turned back to Jerry and asked, “If Sandy were to approach you the way I just suggested, how would you respond?” He didn’t hesitate and said, “I would do everything I could to get back into her good graces.”

While their relationship still had a lot of work, they began to communicate in a very effective way and a lot of healing resulted.

For information about what I have to offer, please visit my website at www.connectingwithlifenow.com. I can also be reached either by email at ron@connectingwithlifenow.com or by telephone at (925) 708-5337. I will be happy to talk with you about what you can do to have the marriage you want.

Ron Whitney
Marriage and Relationship Coach
Connecting With Life

Ron is a member coach of the Christian Coaches Network

Prioritizing gets much attention these days.  Life is so busy that unless we figure out what’s important to us, important those things will fall by the wayside.  Spiritual growth is one of these.

We talk about putting God FIRST in our life.  But I’d like to submit to you that putting Him FIRST only makes our life disjointed, and prevents us from having the kind of relationship with God that I believe most of us desire.

Think about it.  What does it look like if you put God FIRST?  You have worship in the morning, then you go about your day.  Now that worship is finished and God is given His due, you move on to your second priority – maybe exercising, eating a healthy breakfast.  Your next priority may be going off to work.  Each item on your priority list is given your whole attention as it becomes your focus throughout the course of the day.  And where is God?  Well, He got His FIRST dues, so now He’s satisfied and you are free to move on to other people, other things.

Can you see how this compartmentalizes all of life?  Each priority takes a slot of your time and focus.  Each priority is like a slice of the pumpkin or apple pie you just ate over the holidays.

May I suggest doing something different this year?  Kick God out of your priority list!  Yes, you read that right!  Delete Him from your list of things-to-do!  Now before you hit the “delete” button on this newsletter, let me explain.

Certainly God is first in importance.  The Bible tells us that.  It also says that “by Him (Jesus) all things were created . . . through Him and for Him.  He is before all things, and in Him all things consist”  (Col 1:16-17).  But did you catch that He did not simply come first, but He is in the center of all things?  And that is what I’m saying.

God isn’t an item to be checked off a “to-do” list.  He is the center of the “to-do” list!  He isn’t a slice of the pie.  He’s in every bite of the pie!  Think of Him as the sugar in the pie or the salt in a dish of food that permeates every mouthful you eat.  He is the heart and center of every other priority you have.

Do you want a strong marriage?  Let God be in the center!  Do you want a strong body?  Follow God’s will and ways!  Do you want to knit a sweater? build a bookcase? cook a dish? fix a car?  Take God with you!  Are you stumped with a work problem?  Ask God!  Don’t know what to say to your son?  Listen for God’s answer!  Need comfort or love?  Find it in God!  Want to do something fun?  Make it something God will enjoy, too!

Take God into every activity you engage in, every task you perform.  Don’t make Him FIRST, make Him CENTRAL!  And if you do that, He will automatically be first, last, and all the way through.

Let this year, 2012, be the year you place God central in your life.  Let this be the year you make a giant leap in your spiritual life!

Sherry Manison
Spiritual Development Coaching
ReachForTheSummit

Sherry is a member of Christian Coaches Network

As 2012 looks us square in the face, we are challenged with many obstacles as leaders in both our personal and professional lives. In their classic book, “The Leadership Challenge,” James Kouzes and Barry Posner encourage us to look back before looking ahead. They write when we first gaze into our past, we elongate our future. We enrich our future and give it details as we recall the richness of our past experiences.

With that in mind, here’s a brief look at leadership lessons I learned in 2011 and a focused approach for 2012.

• Do the hard thing. What does that look like for you? Switching jobs, firing a “C” player on your team, setting new boundaries with relationships that drain you, or maybe pressing the reset button on your marriage?  I did several of the aforementioned and started my own company in 2011 during an economic recession in Southwest Florida and also made some necessary, but difficult decisions in my marriage to win back my wife.
• Be accountable and teachable. One of the traps we fall into as leaders is the tendency to lose our ability to listen and receive instruction. We are looked to for the answers. Be the decision-makers. That’s how we’re wired. I have chosen to surround myself with several men who I’ve given permission to speak into my life both personally and professionally when they see things I am missing. It has helped me immensely in making decisions about business, marriage and family issues, spiritual matters and the like.
• Learn to connect with your family. Yes, I know the saying that our families need our “quality time.” I have learned this year that really means connect with my kids and my wife in the way they desire. With 4 kids, that becomes a difficult charge! I bring them on errands with me, turn off the laptop (fill in the media device here) to be present with them, laugh with them and listen to them. I took my 15-year-old son out for lunch during school on a workday which shocked him. I simply asked, “Are you happy?” It opened up a bright and colorful conversation and after 20 minutes we had truly connected. Try it with your family!

So, what’s ahead in 2012? Start with what matters most to you. What are your values? Mine are Family, God’s will, Hope, Accomplishment and Purpose. Next, plan to step away from the daily grind of emails, phone calls, financials, troubleshooting problems and find a place to think, pray, reflect and write. Start with 2-3 hours and work your way up to half or full days away. I will typically sense a word or two that becomes a theme for my upcoming year like Serve, Purpose or Focus. This coming year the word is Growth. The key is solitude-get away to reflect back and plan ahead. All the best in 2012!

Doug Poll is a Certified Professional Life Coach (CPLC) at his company called The Doug Poll Group. They specialize in coaching executives and leaders and also work with non-profit clients helping them raise money through a unique turn-key golf marathon event. He can be reached at doug@dougpollgroup.com or on his LinkedIn profile as well.

It could have happened two weeks ago, two years ago, twenty years ago or even longer. Whatever the issue was it was never resolved. And that irresolution has had a terrible impact on your relationship. You can go to all the seminars you want, weekend retreats,  counseling and read all sorts of books to learn new tools in how to relate, communicate and have a “better” relationship with your spouse and it will never happen.

The reason is that that issue (and probably more that you have accumulated along the way) will keep you from being able to have the relationship you desire. Those unresolved issues must be resolved before you will be able to put into practice the tools you have learned over the years.

Quite frequently during a coaching session, one of the spouses will say something like, “We were having an argument last night and ‘out of the blue’, she brought up something that happened seven years ago. I thought it was no longer an issue but she still thinks it is.”

I explain to him that it is “not out of the blue”. I tell him while you think it is no longer an issue, it is still an issue for her and it must be resolved. I can help you resolve those issues if you would like for me to. But I can assure you that you will never be able to move forward and have the relationship you want unless you resolve the issue(s).

I have followed couples who have chosen not to resolve these conflicts and in the vast majority of cases, their relationships deteriorate to the point that they hardly speak to each other or they are like roommates or they end up getting a divorce.  I have helped other couples who have wanted to resolve these conflicts and they are happy and thriving in their new found freedom.

I can assure you that it is not easy to go through the process of healing and getting rid of the obstacles that have been barriers to your having a healthy relationship for so long.  But it can be done.  Even though the lame man at the well at Bethesda didn’t answer Jesus’ question, Jesus healed him anyway.  It is unlikely that you will get well and have the relationship with your spouse you would like if you don’t answer yes to the question, “Do you want to get well?”  The choice is yours.

Please visit my website at www.connectingwithlifenow.com, email me at ronATconnectingwithlifenow.com or call me on my cell phone at (925) 708-5337 for a free thirty minute consultation to determine if coaching is right for you.

Ron Whitney

Marriage & Relationship Coach
Connecting With Life
Phone (925) 708-5337

Ron is a member of the Christian Coaches Network

O’Henry’s short story, The Gift of the Magi, is one of the most beautiful love stories of all time. If you haven’t read it, I encourage you to “Google” it and read it. It only takes about ten minutes, even if you are a slow reader. Now why did I start this blog with a reference to O’Henry’s masterpiece? Because, what I am about to tell you reminded me of this most beautiful story of love between two people when my wife called me this morning to tell me that she had vacuumed the small mess that I made on the living room floor when I brought sun flower heads and seeds to dry inside the house to keep the squirrels from getting them. I had told her that I would clean up the mess but I didn’t have the time to do it right then.

On different occasions over the years, my wife has asked me to do something and before I took the time to honor her request, she did the task herself. Now, she didn’t mind doing the job but I was always hurt that she had taken from me the pleasure I would experience from giving her my gift of time to accomplish what she had asked me to do. And I would tell her that if she wanted me to do what she asked me to do in a shorter time from than I had planned to do the job, let me know and I would adjust my schedule to make her life easier. I also told her that she was taking away my joy for doing something for her that she asked me to do. She said she would.

Now when she called and told me that she had cleaned up the mess that I made, she also said, “I was vacuuming the house and thought, ‘Ron told me he would do this but I already have the vacuum going so why not clean it up?’” Then she added, “I know you have asked me not to take away from you the pleasure you get from doing something I asked you to do or that you said you would do and, I want you to know that I didn’t vacuum up the mess to make you feel bad.” I told her that was a beautiful gift she had just given me and how much I appreciated her telling me what she just told me. She said she didn’t really think too much about it but did want me to know why she decided to clean up the mess herself.

Frequently, in my coaching sessions with couples, I will ask them if either of them did something for the other person that the recipient of the good deed expressed appreciation. One of them will say, “Yes. John did _____ the other night which really made me feel close to him.” I then ask, “Did you tell him how much what he did meant to you and how much you appreciated his gift to you?” More often than not, the answer is no. My encouragement to you is to tell your spouse when he/she does anything for you how much you appreciate what he/she did. These kinds of comments are like driving nails into the foundation as you build a strong house that will last the rest of your lives.

For information about what I have to offer, please visit my website at connectingwithlifenow.com. I can also be reached either by email at ronATconnectingwithlifenow.com or by telephone at (925) 708-5337. I will be happy to talk with you and help you discover what you can do to have the marriage or relationship you want.

Ron Whitney
Marriage and Relationship Coach
Connecting With Life
Phone (925) 708-5337
Ron is a Member Coach of the Christian Coaches Network.

So what can you do to increase your attentiveness to the presence of God in your life?

• First, consider this approach as you start your day. Begin with prayer and a time of meditating on the Bible and as you read a portion of scripture affirm how you have seen God at work in your life as the writer is describing Him. For instance slowly read Psalm 42:5 – “Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again, my Savior and my God!.”

After reading this, consider how you can personalize this verse to your life. If you are discourage, afraid or anxious just tell God this! He already knows anyway. Choose to affirm God as your hope and worthy of your confidence. Agree that you will praise Him again in your life as He answers your prayers based on His promises.

• Secondly, build on the morning time of praying back the Bible passage to God, by intentionally looking for and affirming his presence during your day.

Using Psalm 42:5 say, God, I thank you that even though I am discouraged right now I chose to hope in You. Make it your own and take note of your thoughts. If you sense anxiousness, fear or discouragement say, Father, I choose to praise you even though I’m concerned about this situation. I know that you have everything under control.

• Finally, take time at the end of your day (or the following morning) to recount how you have seen God at work in your life in the previous 24 hours. I’ve found if I’m not careful I only ‘see’ God at work in my life if it is some really major answer to prayer. Or something happens that only God could have orchestrated. But when I am an investigator I’ll notice all the little ways He shows mercy, grace and love to me every day.

So go ahead and start searching for your Heavenly Father each and every day. He is waiting to be found!

Michael Pfau
Crossways Life Coaching
Life Vision | Mission | Career

Mike is a member of Christian Coaches Network

We have a goldmine right at our fingertips. Every month, CCN has new and fresh ideas to expand our thinking. Let’s explore just a few of them…

Want a place to list your business?

It’s FREE with your membership in CCN. You can list your website and your business and your niches. When people google for a Christian coach, CCN pops up and when they go to the site, there you are…just waiting to be found! J

Want professional support?

Every month, there are opportunities to learn from very skilled coaches. This is a FREE benefit from our membership. We can learn how to serve clients with: ADD, or by using Emotional Intelligence material, or Single parent coaching, or the Postmodern Millenial Generation coaching, or coaching using Conflict Management, or Leadership coaching, and there was even a call about Strategic Planning. That’s just some of what you may have missed out on…but next month can be different for you. You don’t have to miss out anymore. Get in line for a blessing on the CCN teaching calls.

Want emotional support?

Why not go to the CCN site and find another coach within your same niche and connect together. And remember that just participating in any of the calls during the month are ways to remember why you are doing what you are doing as a coach. It can be lonely. These calls remind us that we are not alone! And the calls tend to “normalize” what coaches naturally experience in their businesses.

Want encouragement?

The CCN site has a spot to privately enter your own prayer requests. It is confidential and only goes to the prayer team. You don’t have to wait for Stephanie to contact you each year. (Although, that is so powerfully affirming!) And don’t forget that…monthly, CCN also offers a free conference call for the purpose of praying for each other. Have you had opportunity to share with other coaches in this powerful way? What better way to advance the kingdom and to make us better coaches than praying together?

Want to do a book study with other coaches?

Book studies: That’s yet another option also available through the CCN site. I just checked and it looks like there are currently at least two book studies to choose from.

Want greater exposure on the Internet?

Write an article for the CCN blog. Like this one…for the purpose of helping and breathing new life and encouragement into other coaches. The Internet search engines pick up those posts, which also increases the likelihood of people going to the CCN site and doing a search for your name.

What’s that in your hand?

Like God said to Moses so many years ago: “What’s that in your hand?”

CCN is in our hand …a goldmine right under our fingertips…only a computer “click” away… a resource for nearly anything a coach could possible hope for…and all compliments of the very reasonably priced membership. (I’m only touching the tip of the iceberg, here.)

Is CCN in your list of Favorites?

Try checking out the site at least monthly to see what’s new. Write a blog so you can share your wisdom with other coaches. I also want you to know that if you miss the teaching calls, they are available for your use whenever it is best in your personal schedule. Just go to the CCN site to listen at your convenience. Of course, the live calls are best because you can ask questions.

A goldmine right at our fingertips. Just waiting to be mined by you and me!

Pam Taylor, Christian Life Coach, www.loavesandfishescoaching.com